Happy This ONE Friday!

As you are reading this newsletter, the chances are, you are a go-getter who’s pretty good at getting what you want. You might even be a generous giver who can pour your heart out for others. But the chances are also that you are not a very good receiver.

Receiving is a skill we collectively lack. Many high achievers face confidence issues despite mounting evidence of their excellence and feel belittled by others. Interestingly, they tend to admit that they never take compliments to heart.

It’s not only compliments that we leave out; acknowledgments in other forms, too. I coached leaders anxious about not being respected or liked by their team. However, when we took a closer look, the team expressed its respect for and intentions to connect with the leader. The leader did catch them but soon dismissed them as anything meaningful, in search of more solid evidence that they were doing okay. By better receiving these tiny pieces of positive feedback, the leader often becomes more able to build relationships with the team and lead more effectively.

Things work the other way too. Some experience distress after receiving negative feedback from their supervisors. “My boss does not like me” is what they imagine. Focusing on disprovals rather than endorsements makes them miss the obvious logic that trust is often the backdrop of high expectations.

In a recent coaching session, when I acknowledged a client for her work, she quickly redirected the topic and rushed to credit me for her meaningful progress. I asked her to try to “take it in” and inquired about her experience.

She shared a beautiful metaphor that will stick in my mind for ages:

Amazed, I asked her, “Do you feel that the butterfly has the capacity to lift the weights? "

She pondered and answered with a smile: “Strangely, it does.”

Hmm… how so? I wondered. Perhaps this "weight" of self-doubt, though it feels heavy, is merely a bubble of our own making. Despite its perceived heaviness, it remains just a bubble. And all it takes is a delicate butterfly, light as a magical touch, to lift it away.

Question For You

What have you left at your doorstep?

If you are ready to outgrow your needs for validation and get better at the art of receiving, let’s talk.

Until next week,

Yolanda Yu
Coach and lifelong learner

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Past issues

This ONE – How trustworthy are you?

This ONE – Specificity in action: From Drama Class to Strategic Thinking, Leadership, and Managing your boss

This ONE: Competition and the matter of envy, jealousy, peer pressure, and external validation

This ONE: Office politics, toxic environment, and other people’s judgment

This ONE: From the gym, harnessing creativity in flow, and focus with my ADHD brain

This ONE: What’s the point? The leadership grill, unstuck from tech roles, and job searching in a bad market

This ONE: On fulfilling career potential, how to be more assertive, and the powerful way to manage difficult conversations.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you have engaged me as a coach or explored my service before. Please excuse me for taking the liberty of sending you the first issues. If you wish to unsubscribe from it, please reply to the email. I will remove you from the mailing list.

Every Friday, I share ONE idea and its manifestations and 1 question for you to ponder. Other ingredients you can expect will be book extracts, quotes, metaphors, tools, resources, and mini-exercises to keep growing your self-awareness.